"Not Every Relationship Is Ours to Repair"

Let Life Be, Let Yourself Be

Every relationship around us is not meant to be perfect. Yet we often carry the invisible burden of wanting to fix others' relationships, especially within our family. There is a restlessness in us, a deep inner urge to see everything at home functioning in harmony, compassion, and balance.

But the truth is, the real conflict is not in their relationships; it is within us. We forget that every relationship has its own unique dynamics. Two individuals create it, sustain it, and only they hold the willingness to transform it. If they are not ready to make it harmonious, who am I to correct it? What authority or responsibility do I truly have there?

Very often, we intervene not because it is their need, but because it is our need, our inner discomfort, our desire for control, our longing for peace outside when peace is missing inside.

We can guide gently, we can plant seeds of understanding, we can offer clarity, but we cannot force, impose, or repair something that doesn’t belong to us.

This is the moment to pause and turn inward.

Instead of asking, “How do I fix their relationship?”Ask, “What inside me feels compelled to fix it?”

The moment this answer becomes clear, the thread of your restlessness begins to loosen. That is where the real work begins.

Example

Imagine a mother who constantly tries to fix the arguments between her adult daughter and son-in-law. Every disagreement unsettles her. She steps in, gives advice, tries to mediate, and sometimes even takes the emotional load of their conflicts.

But her daughter says, “Mom, let us handle it. We will sort it out.”Still, the mother feels anxious. She thinks, “If I don’t fix this, something will go wrong.”

One day, she pauses and asks herself, “Why do I rush to fix their relationship?”She realizes it comes from her own childhood—growing up in a house where conflicts were intense and unresolved. Harmony became her coping mechanism, and disorder triggers her.

When she understands this, she stops overstepping. She learns to trust that their relationship is theirs to nurture. She offers support only when asked and works on the unresolved fear within her.

And slowly, she finds peace, not by correcting others, but by healing the part of her that was trying to control what never belonged to her.