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  • Writer's picturechainakarmakar

The Spouse Theory

Updated: May 12, 2022

Trying to pen down my observation while dealing with relationship issues. In my ten years of practice as a healer, nowadays I find a very different attitude in people's approach, earlier they used to come with an approach to fix their spouse, now the approach is to fix self so that they can live a peaceful life. People are trying to take a courageous step by taking charge of their own life. Bringing awareness is the first step so that we can correct ourselves to create a harmonious relationship. In our society women are always insecure and men are overburdened with the responsibility to run the show of a family. Try to understand the psychology behind this deep conditioning of society. How it is disturbing the harmony of a relationship?? We claim we are evolving but is the evolution happening in the right direction?? As per the conditioning of society, we try to make our girl children more and more independent and strong to deal with the uncertainty in their life because we have understood that marriage is not the only solution for their happy life if they are not independent financially. Every now and then they go through the uncertainty of relationship and they compromise to be in relationship for a secured life. This is in the DNA of girl children to deal with insecurity and so far they are more equipped to deal with insecurity. Now, this financial independence comes with certain pros and cons. They started demanding equality at home as well, sharing of all responsibility at home also because they have reached a financially independent state after the same hard work at par the boys. So we are training our girls to be independent but we are not training our boys to align with this new energy of women. Where we are lacking? Look at the situation of a boy...A mother always pampers boys because it is in her DNA to give privilege to the boy child. It is not their fault because they come with that kind of conditioning. When these boys try to find a companion, they always lookout for a smart, intelligent, financially independent girl. After getting married they try to search their mother in them because they are used to that level of pampering and attention. They don’t try to search for an individual as their partner. This attitude puts them on self-pity mode or state of sadness, bitterness, anger. Parents also sympathize with this newly acquired state of self-pity. Parents should know by interfering they are not allowing their children to grow and to learn their life lessons. Parents are not only damaging but also not allowing them to know each other as an individual. Gradually the couple gets disconnected and start living under the same roof as strangers. In this situation, we can not blame anyone, but for sure we can evolve in the presence of each other by bringing little awareness and acceptance to the situation. The ego plays a major role in damage and pushes the relationship in a state where it is beyond any repair.

Lessons to learn: 1. Men and Women are differently designed. Creator has created us with certain attributes 2. Women are emotionally strong whereas men are physically 3. Man woman can complement each other, they can not compete with each other 4. Creator has designed women to go through childbirth pain so it is evident that she is very natural with attributes like endurance, nurturing, patience, perseverance and aesthetic. Going against all these means going against the design 5. Women should come out of the victim mode to discover their partner as an individual. They should stop trying to frame them in a superman category 6. Women should understand men are not natural with all these but they can help to share some responsibilities. By doing so they can create more bonding in the family 7. Men should come out of the victim mode that women are not caring like a mother. They should stop searching for a mother in them. It will be a wise move if they start searching for an individual in them 8. The flow will be free if the couples don’t carry ego while sharing a journey of togetherness 9. Discussion is needed to avoid arguments 10. Try to understand each other because everyone thinks differently. If you stick to your perception to judge a person, it will be foolishness 11. Always try to reflect to discover the emotions which are creating disturbance in the relationship 12. One needs to understand his/her desires, expectations can not be fulfilled by other people. It is our body, our mind, and our emotions so no one has the power to fulfill that and make ourselves happy. We can enhance happiness by sharing or we can add extra in each other life 13. Give a judgment-free environment to grow, don’t use each other's weaknesses as a weapon

14. Be sensitive to each other

15. Invest in each other, know each other as an individual. Once you feel that as a couple you have developed better understanding then only you should plan a family in order to give a child a loving environment

16. Solve relationship issues like an adult, don't allow parents to interfere as they will see only one side of a coin.

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